Women Tell All (or something like that)

Hey, Harrison. This is where Harrison makes his money, kinda. Harrison, "As you all know, I'm Chris Harrison." Humble, too.

The first segment is Chris and Chris "crashing" Bachelor viewing parties. They go to one that has balloons in the front yard. Who the hell has balloons up for a viewing party? No way any of these women have lives. Let's find out. Harrison just walks right into the house and of course the women are shocked because who wouldn't be shocked if there was already a camera inside the house waiting for Chris and Chris to walk in.

This party is ridiculous. It looks like there's 40 people in this house. Someone must have sent out a Facebook invite. They have a smorgasbord of corn everything, a tractor on a bail of hay, the women are all wearing straw hats. They're all gonna go to work the next day and brag about this to their co-workers and then they'll get demoted. Then some crazy lady kisses Soules and it's soooo crazy. OMG! This isn't awkward at all!! HAHAHA!!! We're having fun, right?

They then crash a few more parties. They just walk on in to these homes and the women are totally okay with this? Seriously, these women are delirious. 

Let's introduce the women! I've forgotten who half of these chicks are. They watch highlights and laugh uncontrollably at themselves and how crazy and fun they are. This is stupid. I'm just gonna post more pics of the audience because they're the real MVPs of the WTA. 

Oh my god! Britt is already crying. She's a straight up drama queen. Britt, to Carly, "Why did you pretend to be my friend?" It's a game, Dum-Dum. Also, you're not here to make friends.

Oh, the girls are just talking over each other. Didn't see that coming with 20 chicks in one room all vying for attention. I'm not even listening to them. Dammit, there's another 90 minutes of this crap! It's like having 100 cats in one room and they're all hungry. Harrison, control your bitches! Throw a bunch of roses in the air or something!

The girls are ganging up on Carly. Britt is crying more. Jillian will you just pick up a chair and throw it?! Harrison, "Jillian, you're a little jacked up." What a dick.

More Britt vs. Carly. Britt, shut up! When Britt can't talk and be the center of attention she gets so frustrated. Good luck to whoever gets to marry this. I really want her to go away. She's annoying. Just say NO to her for Bachelorette.

HAHAHA!! The stupid behind the scenes of the WTA. Britt, crying profusely, "I thought everyone was my friend until I walked out here." Oh well. Harrison, "You think it was jealousy?" Who cares, bro. Oh, she's fine now. The tears just come and go whenever she wants. Fake Britt.

Kelsey time!! Oh my, she uses such big words. I can't believe how smart she is. How many degrees do you have, Kelsey. Tell me, I know you will.

Is there anything funnier than watching someone watch video of other people relishing in their demise on a game show? Kelsey, "I'm feeling betrayed." She's obviously insane. Her emotions run the gamut. Kelsey, "I wish I could be accepted, warts and all." I mean, this chick. Yeah, audience chick gets it.

Juelia, "Kelsey is one of the most calculated people I have ever met." Woooo!!! 

I love how confident each of these women are when they are ganging up on Kelsey. One-on-one, Kelsey destroys them.  

Samantha speaks!!!

Can we get Sanderson Poe's parents on the show? I wanna know what they think of Kelsey. Their opinion is the only one that matters.

Ashley S. time! Finally! She should have gotten the entire first hour of the WTA.

She brings Harrison an onion and claims that she's started growing her own onions. I love her. She's so spacy. "I like to ride bikes. I mean, this is me. With the cameras around it was really hard for me to not be silly." Harrison asks, no begs, her to come on Bachelor In Paradise. That shit show is returning? I will not be blogging that. Sorry, my dozen readers. The crowd is chanting "Do it! Do it! Do it!" They're dumber than the contestants. The bottom line is that Ashley S. is awesome.

Jade's turn! Harrison, "Thanks for being here." Like she was gonna say 'no.'

Great, now she's crying. Do they realize that they dodged a huge bullet by not winning? They're just sad they weren't good enough. Sucks finishing 2nd through 30th doesn't it? You're less than.

She's mad at Soules because of something he wrote in his blog. That he wasn't honest with her about her nudes when he should have been. Get over it. You don't want him anyway.

Kaitlyn's turn in the HOT SEAT. Damn girl! You look like you're ready to be the next Bachelorette or something.

Kaitlyn, "I can pinpoint the moment when my heart just broke." Harrison, "When was it?" Kaitlyn, "When he called Whitney's name." Doy.

She felt REALLY confident going into that last Rose Ceremony. Yup, they did it. 

Kaitlyn, "I don't think I've ever felt so blindsided." These girls really get sucked into the game. It's unbelievable how this happens time and time again. I know they watch the prior shows. I know they know the history of couples failing months after the show ends. They just can't help themselves. It must be the helicopter rides.

Okay, only two more segments left. I can do this.

Bring out the meat!! Soules and Harrison with a bro-hug. Gimme some dap, bruh.

Britt is crying again?! My god, woman. Well, this is an awkwardly long hug. She's a trainwreck.

Soules, "The reason we didn't work out wasn't because of Carly." It was you, Britt! Get the hell off the stage!

Kaitlyn wants closure. You didn't get a rose. To me, that's closure. You'll be fine.

Kaitlyn is railing on him for not doing things a certain way, like dumping her away from the Rose Ceremony. Is she serious? It's not like he's done this before. Sure, he's a terrible Bachelor who has a lack of reading the room, but cut him some slack.

Jade, come on down!! Hug. She's killing it in her red dress. Look what you're missing out on, Soules! A wild stallion!!

He was caught off guard by her nudes. Eyes up here, Soules!

Harrison, "It's time for BLOOPERS!!" Wait, what were the last ten episodes then? Those weren't the bloopers? Also, these aren't bloopers unless Tom Bergeron is involved. Do I need to give ABC all the ideas?! The only real 'bloopers' involved animals. Again, not bloopers.

Now Harrison is pimping his book. Uh, no. The only idiots buying that book were the ones having extravagant Bachelor viewing parties.

After watching this I feel like this girl. See you at the finale!!